Tales of a Dirty American

We always hear stories about how horrible Americans can be in foreign countries, refusing to adapt to the culture or respect differences. They think that since they are Americans they can do anything they want. They tend to stick out like sore thumbs (who thought of that analogy? because it is seriously weird), either by their shoes or their cultural faux paus.
Being the cultured, world traveler that I am, I've always hated the way Americans act in foreign countries. When I was in Mexico I actually heard a girl say "whatever, I'm American I can do what I want," and I wanted to get up and smack her. I've always tried to fit into the culture around me, even if there are certain things that are just so difficult to adapt to.
Americans also hear that the rest of the world hates us and we should try to hide the fact that we are Americans while in other countries. I for one have often lied and said I was Canadian in situations where I didn't think it appropriate to say I'm American.
However, the past 6 months of living in Jordan have changed my tune. I have, I am ashamed to say, become a dirty American. There are just times when I cannot conform to the culture around me, and show my touristiness with my horrible habits. And I'm not about to change that. Because damn it, sometimes I just couldn't care less.
For instance, I'm not giving up wearing my blue airwalks. I don't care that the effect is basically the same as running down the street wearing an American flag as a cape, they are comfortable. And when I want to walk long distances, I don't want to be in nice shoes. I want to be comfortable. Also, I know that women here generally don't eat on the streets, but sometimes I'm in a rush and am hungry, so I'll eat my shwarma sandwich while walking to the bus stop wearing my headphones. Sure, it shows that I'm a foreigner, but golly they're gonna be able to tell anyway when they hear me speak.
Sometimes, I turn into that girl from Mexico. She'll never know how right she was, because in Jordan, being an American really does mean you can do whatever you want. In fact, for a region that supposedly hates Americans so much, flashing my passport sure does get me where I want to go faster. You can cut to the front of lines at customs. Your car doesn't get searched at checkpoints.
Pretending not to speak any Arabic also gets you farther than you would expect. The other day I needed to get into a building. I still have no clue why this guard wasn't letting people in, but when he tried to explain to me what I needed to do, I just said "I'm sorry, I don't understand you." He looked me over, and let me pass. I play that card a lot. "I'm sorry, I don't understand you" gets me whatever I want. It may be a horrible way to do things, but sometimes you've just got to. For the sake of my own sanity, sometimes I've got to be the dirty American. Try it, you'll see that you too want to be a dirty American...